When I returned to NC, I returned to my temporary cat, Marusia. I say temporary because really she belongs to someone else, and I am just long-term cat-sitting. Regardless, Marusia loves to be close to humans. I found this out experimentally when I tried to sleep in the same room with her. Middle of the night, I woke up to the sensation that I couldn't really breathe. Fur seemed to be occupying my breathing apparatus. While I did at one point in time hope to grow a beard, the fur was rather misplaced for that to have occurred. Rather, I discovered that the cat had relocated herself onto my face. The nearest conclusion that I can draw is that she has some comfort in feeling my breath, quite literally, upon her. She wants to get as close as she can to me, and quite literally does not feel secure unless she is sleeping on top of my face.
While this can be quite annoying for the sleeper, I think it demonstrates (certainly) a unique image of our hunger in various degrees for God. As believers, we want the kind of life that comes from having his breath upon us (quite literally, we were brought into human being when God breathed into Adam's nostrils with the breath of life). Yet some of us are content to lie, metaphorically speaking, at the edge of the bed, a safe distance from God, but close enough that we can still experience part of the life that He intended for us. Others dwell on the floor because we feel "unworthy" to dwell in God's presence, or because we don't feel the need to be close to God. Yet still others so passionately desire to be in God's presence, that they get as close to him as they possibly can because they desperately need to be in his presence in order to live fully. Unlike my relationship with Marusia, God never stops breathing on us, when we try to get too close to him. Rather, he invites us to dwell in his presence. He delights to have us dwell in his presence. He wants to be known. He wants to know us. We are designed to be in relationship with Him, and it is this relationship with Him that gives life and breath. So bask. Get as close as you can. Rest! and hang-out!
Friday, August 10, 2007
Wednesday, August 8, 2007
Be thou my vision?
Wednesday morning is my hiatus in the midst of a crazy week. Every Wednesday morning, about 20 people from my church get together to pray. To spend time with God. To worship. And I love it. I always leave feeling blessed by the experience. These are women and men who delight to spend time in the Father's presence. And it is absolutely beautiful. This morning, however, I came in feeling empty. Feeling burdened, and overwhelmed by the things I had to do, the amount of money I had to raise, and my own doubts and fears about everything relating to myself, my image, and my faith. We sang "Be Thou My Vision," which I know by heart, and have sung for years, but never before I have I been struck by the words in such a way as I was this morning. The fourth and fifth verses go....
Riches I heed not, nor man’s empty praise,
... no matter where I am in fundraising, no matter what my professors think of my "career aspirations," no matter how I am criticized or judged for "throwing away my life", no matter how I am praised for doing something "worthwhile" or "fantastic" or "which I wish my child was doing," I'm not paying any attention to that. It doesn't matter any more. Words of praise and riches are not what matters to me.
Thou mine Inheritance, now and always:
... you are my only concern, now and forever. You are what I am hoping for. You are all that I need. You define my identity.
Thou and Thou only, first in my heart,
... you and you only are what I want, love, long for. I leave everything else behind. You are first and foremost in my heart. Every other desire is behind you.
High King of Heaven, my Treasure Thou art.
... you are King. You are God. You are in heaven. You are my treasure. Not my name. Not my reputation. Not the ability to serve you on campus. Not my visions for where I can take your name. Certainly not these funds that I am trying to raise. You, God, are my treasure.
High King of Heaven, my victory won,
... the big Kahuna. God of heaven. You are my victory won. The victory is already won. No matter how I screw up, no matter how many times I fail, you do not. You have already won the battle. Sin and evil are defeated. And one day, we will see that on earth. The battle is won. My victory is certain, because He is King of heaven. He is my victory, not what I do.
May I reach Heaven’s joys, O bright Heaven’s Sun!
... I'm longing for heaven, God, who gives light and warmth and beauty and life even to heaven.
Heart of my own heart, whatever befall,
... you know my heart. And your heart is part of my heart, as I slowly learn more about what your heart is, and listen to you voice. Please let my desires become more and more like yours. Whatever happens to me, whatever happens in the world, whether or not I reach budget, whether or not I reach campus, whether or not I am able to serve you in the way that I think you are calling me...
Still be my Vision, O Ruler of all.
... Lord, please be my vision. Direct me in the ways that you want me to go. Be what I see, as I look at the world. Help me to see with your eyes. Show me how you see things. Let me always keep my eyes fixed on you. Like Peter, Lord, don't let me take my eyes off you, or I will sink. Lord, you are ruler of all, including me. I submit my life to that. And knowing your goodness, ask that you take over once again. You are God. I am not. Please direct my life.
Riches I heed not, nor man’s empty praise,
... no matter where I am in fundraising, no matter what my professors think of my "career aspirations," no matter how I am criticized or judged for "throwing away my life", no matter how I am praised for doing something "worthwhile" or "fantastic" or "which I wish my child was doing," I'm not paying any attention to that. It doesn't matter any more. Words of praise and riches are not what matters to me.
Thou mine Inheritance, now and always:
... you are my only concern, now and forever. You are what I am hoping for. You are all that I need. You define my identity.
Thou and Thou only, first in my heart,
... you and you only are what I want, love, long for. I leave everything else behind. You are first and foremost in my heart. Every other desire is behind you.
High King of Heaven, my Treasure Thou art.
... you are King. You are God. You are in heaven. You are my treasure. Not my name. Not my reputation. Not the ability to serve you on campus. Not my visions for where I can take your name. Certainly not these funds that I am trying to raise. You, God, are my treasure.
High King of Heaven, my victory won,
... the big Kahuna. God of heaven. You are my victory won. The victory is already won. No matter how I screw up, no matter how many times I fail, you do not. You have already won the battle. Sin and evil are defeated. And one day, we will see that on earth. The battle is won. My victory is certain, because He is King of heaven. He is my victory, not what I do.
May I reach Heaven’s joys, O bright Heaven’s Sun!
... I'm longing for heaven, God, who gives light and warmth and beauty and life even to heaven.
Heart of my own heart, whatever befall,
... you know my heart. And your heart is part of my heart, as I slowly learn more about what your heart is, and listen to you voice. Please let my desires become more and more like yours. Whatever happens to me, whatever happens in the world, whether or not I reach budget, whether or not I reach campus, whether or not I am able to serve you in the way that I think you are calling me...
Still be my Vision, O Ruler of all.
... Lord, please be my vision. Direct me in the ways that you want me to go. Be what I see, as I look at the world. Help me to see with your eyes. Show me how you see things. Let me always keep my eyes fixed on you. Like Peter, Lord, don't let me take my eyes off you, or I will sink. Lord, you are ruler of all, including me. I submit my life to that. And knowing your goodness, ask that you take over once again. You are God. I am not. Please direct my life.
Monday, August 6, 2007
snapshots of eternity
... otherwise known as, observations from this past weekend that made me stop and smile!
-> The bride and groom standing at the alter, vows already said, and the bride turns to the groom and whispers "Thank you for waiting for me." The groom begins to weep, not tears of sorrow, but tears of joy, because at long last, the long journey is over.
-> 18 month-old little boy perches on the edge of the pool, giggling at his dad, who stands in the pool, less than a foot away, cajoling him to jump, "Come on! I'll catch you! All you to do is trust me and jump." Yet the son does not move, until his father reaches out to him and lifts him up, and into the waters.
-> The tuxedo-clad stranger to my left diagraming complex mathematical families and sets on the back of the ivory and silver wedding menu, so immersed in his explanations and so entranced by the beauty of the mathematics that he cannot be distracted.
-> The same stranger becoming a friend over the course of the meal, and upon hearing about my summer of fund-raising, he asks, out of the blue, "Well, to which address would one send a check, because I want to support you."
-> Knowing the stories behind the scenes in the present: knowing the struggles that brought individuals to the joys which they now have:
* A bride and groom, held apart for years by a stubborn blockade, finally allowed to give themselves fully to each other
* A severely handicapped daughter, whose birth led her unbelieving parents to the Lord
* A broken relationship leading to a broken friendship, finally healed in small talk by the poolside.
-> A moment of clarity and understanding from a friend; a moment of truly knowing, "Yes! I understand! I am exactly the same way!" And the affirmation, "Yes, this is a struggle which we both have, but there is beauty in it as well..."
-> The joy of community. The familiarity of being known. The exuberance of free and unrestrained laughter. And the delight of candor and real, deep, all-the-way-to-the-eyes smiles. Welcome, friend, this is where you belong.
Tuesday, July 31, 2007
Small Stones
The picture currently on the desktop of my computer was taken in Madison, Wisconsin, through the stone banisters of the capitol building. It looks out over the green expanse of the lawn, focusing on one small girl, standing on tiptoe to reach the lowest branch of a small tree. Everything else is so big, so broad, so sturdy, and there she is, reaching upward, unnoticed by the majority of the world. It's a beautiful picture of child-like ambition and desire, stretching and reaching to climb the tree, yet the lowest branch is just out of her reach...
To a certain degree, that image resonates with me because that is how I feel about fundraising and campus staff right now . I feel as if I am standing in the midst of a big crowd, a big space, and a big world. And I am desperately reaching for the lowest branch of my tree. Even so, I cannot reach it. Even on my tiptoes, it's just out of reach. So I stretch and I strain to meet my mark. And in the back of my head, there's a small voice saying... "is it worth it? is it worth it?" And the ground beneath my feet trembles, and I take my eyes off the goal above, focusing on the soil beneath my feet. I feel weak, small, and uncertain. And the world seems to pass by unnoticing.
Yet someone hands me a pebble. "Stand upon it, and you will reach your goal," they say. A pebble, I scoff. That will not enable me to reach my target. It's so small. So insignificant. And then another pebble. And another. And another. Bit by bit, piece by piece, until I am standing on a stone wall; a pile of pebbles, rising up to form a fortress. And then, the branch within my reach, I must face the question I have asked all along: "Is it worth it?" The roar beneath my feet, supporting me, lifting me up, resounds as I draw my breath. "Oh yes," it begins, "it is most certainly worth it." And each rock begins to sing. A story to be told. A truth to affirm. A testimony of strength. Until finally, it is my turn. And I, standing on their strength and stories answer boldly, as I reach out my hand, "Oh yes! It is worth it!" and grasp the branch.
1 Samuel 17:40,47 -> "Then he took his staff in his hand, chose five smooth stones from the stream, put them in the pouch of his shepherd's bag and, with his sling in his hand, approached the Philistine...All those gathered here will know that it is not by sword or spear that the LORD saves; for the battle is the LORD's, and he will give all of you into our hands."
To a certain degree, that image resonates with me because that is how I feel about fundraising and campus staff right now . I feel as if I am standing in the midst of a big crowd, a big space, and a big world. And I am desperately reaching for the lowest branch of my tree. Even so, I cannot reach it. Even on my tiptoes, it's just out of reach. So I stretch and I strain to meet my mark. And in the back of my head, there's a small voice saying... "is it worth it? is it worth it?" And the ground beneath my feet trembles, and I take my eyes off the goal above, focusing on the soil beneath my feet. I feel weak, small, and uncertain. And the world seems to pass by unnoticing.
Yet someone hands me a pebble. "Stand upon it, and you will reach your goal," they say. A pebble, I scoff. That will not enable me to reach my target. It's so small. So insignificant. And then another pebble. And another. And another. Bit by bit, piece by piece, until I am standing on a stone wall; a pile of pebbles, rising up to form a fortress. And then, the branch within my reach, I must face the question I have asked all along: "Is it worth it?" The roar beneath my feet, supporting me, lifting me up, resounds as I draw my breath. "Oh yes," it begins, "it is most certainly worth it." And each rock begins to sing. A story to be told. A truth to affirm. A testimony of strength. Until finally, it is my turn. And I, standing on their strength and stories answer boldly, as I reach out my hand, "Oh yes! It is worth it!" and grasp the branch.
1 Samuel 17:40,47 -> "Then he took his staff in his hand, chose five smooth stones from the stream, put them in the pouch of his shepherd's bag and, with his sling in his hand, approached the Philistine...All those gathered here will know that it is not by sword or spear that the LORD saves; for the battle is the LORD's, and he will give all of you into our hands."
Sunday, July 29, 2007
Twue Love (what a bwessed occasion!)
Dear Reader, I have a confession to make. Last night, I took a hit. I made a major sacrifice to my bulwark of strength. I cried at a chick-flick. Yes, gentle reader, the girl who does not cry in movies, no matter how sad, not even Braveheart, cried in a movie about a princess, a dream, a throne, and true love. Unfortunately also a movie whose primary audience is 12 years old or younger. Last night, I gave in to my 12-year-old inner-self and watched Princess Diaries 2. I'm sure it would reassure the majority of you to learn that I was babysitting, or that this was my first viewing of such frivolity, but alas, I cannot offer such condolences...
The real question is, however, why did this silly, girlish, mostly pink movie make me cry? It would be simple enough to explain it as tears of laughter (I mean, really, who asks their true love if they have a chicken for the royal table?!?) or tears of boredom (the TV version cuts out all the good parts- don't ask how I know that!) or perhaps just something in my eye. But no, dear friends, I cannot tell a lie. No, in all honesty, there is something in this goofy teenybopper flick which speaks to my heart's true desires, and not just my girlish dreams.
Quick recap for those grown-ups in the audience: the girl (Mia) is a princess, but cannot be queen unless she marries within 30 days according to the centuries old law; she picks eligible bachelor #6 effectively off the royal equivalent of e-harmony, but doesn't love the bloke; she falls in love with her rival for the throne (typical) but plans to marry the other man anyhow (sorry guys, that is how chick-flicks roll); at the last minute, she ditches the marriage plan and gives a rousing neo-feminist plea for a change to the laws; her rival abdicates the throne for her sake; Parliament bends, she becomes Queen without a King; her lover cannot offer her a chicken, but she accepts him anyhow, and the final scene is the coronation of Queen Amelia Mionette Thermopolis Reanaldi. All this plus Julie Andrews... I submit, what could be better?!
So. Now. I'm sure you're wondering, other than your X-chromosomes, what could this movie possibly speak to? Touche. Let me elaborate. To me, this movie paints a picture of freedom which I think we as grown-ups often dismiss as fairy-tale-esque or child's frivolity. You see, in the character of Mia, there is a certain essence of obligation, duty, and limited love, as she pursues her designated life. She is bound by the law-- the only power or hope of freedom which she has comes from following the law. She pursues the law, all the while her heart is longing for true love. Now, the movie unfortunately sums "true love" up as a "foot-popping-good" kiss and a few moments stolen under a large tree (not to worry, rated PG for the 12-year-old audience). But at the same time, you get a very clear picture of the lack of freedom, under the guise of the law. Mia longs for something more. She longs for freedom, for true love (what a bwessed occasion!) and the ability to be entirely herself. And the beauty is, because this is a fairy tale, her dreams are granted. She becomes fully herself, as the law is abolished. She is free. And, she is loved.
How much greater is the picture of our Father's love for us... can't you hear his passion in his plea for us? "How long, oh my people, will you turn away, pursuing other lovers?" It is only in God's true love that we are free, whole, and satisfied. The law can never satisfy; moreover, we can never satisfy it. Other loves briefly fill, but they never quench our thirst or satisfy our hunger. Only under the mantle of Christ do we find true love and the freedom to be fully whom we were created to be. And THAT, my friends, is why Princess Diaries 2 made me cry. Because when Mia lets go of her false love and takes the risk, she finds more than she hoped-- her dreams, "true love" as defined by Disney, and fullness of herself. I cried because I long for a different freedom, wholeness, and fullness, as defined by God.
But all too often, I am content to believe that freedom, love, and wholeness belong in the fairy tales; that it is fantasy and make-believe for adolescents. Grown-ups know better. Bull. Grown-ups, we long for true and whole love, just as much as the tweens; we long for freedom; we long to be fully ourselves. But WHY, do we turn the gospel into an impossible fairy tale? a chore? a responsibility? We miss the joy. We miss the romance, as our Savior calls us by name; we miss the courage, as he triumphs over evil; and we miss the freedom that he calls us to, as we settle for a love still legalistic in character. We are content to satisfy the requirements without ever knowing the freedom.
Our God loves us with a love which is whole, free, and overflowing. This is not a fairy tale. It is not child's play. It is not a dream. It is on offer. It will cost you everything. But, oh friends, it is worth it. True love? The kind that sets you free? It's not in the personals section of the newspaper, or on e-harmony, or at 1-900-whateva... it's the kind of love that, once you encounter it, you will never be the same again. It's the kind of love story that sent our Savior to the cross, it's the kind of power that made him rise from the dead, and it's the kind of freedom that calls us co-heirs to the throne. Not by the law, that no man may boast. But by the wild, uninhibited love of our Savior... the kind of love story that a fairy tale can only mirror dimly...
The real question is, however, why did this silly, girlish, mostly pink movie make me cry? It would be simple enough to explain it as tears of laughter (I mean, really, who asks their true love if they have a chicken for the royal table?!?) or tears of boredom (the TV version cuts out all the good parts- don't ask how I know that!) or perhaps just something in my eye. But no, dear friends, I cannot tell a lie. No, in all honesty, there is something in this goofy teenybopper flick which speaks to my heart's true desires, and not just my girlish dreams.
Quick recap for those grown-ups in the audience: the girl (Mia) is a princess, but cannot be queen unless she marries within 30 days according to the centuries old law; she picks eligible bachelor #6 effectively off the royal equivalent of e-harmony, but doesn't love the bloke; she falls in love with her rival for the throne (typical) but plans to marry the other man anyhow (sorry guys, that is how chick-flicks roll); at the last minute, she ditches the marriage plan and gives a rousing neo-feminist plea for a change to the laws; her rival abdicates the throne for her sake; Parliament bends, she becomes Queen without a King; her lover cannot offer her a chicken, but she accepts him anyhow, and the final scene is the coronation of Queen Amelia Mionette Thermopolis Reanaldi. All this plus Julie Andrews... I submit, what could be better?!
So. Now. I'm sure you're wondering, other than your X-chromosomes, what could this movie possibly speak to? Touche. Let me elaborate. To me, this movie paints a picture of freedom which I think we as grown-ups often dismiss as fairy-tale-esque or child's frivolity. You see, in the character of Mia, there is a certain essence of obligation, duty, and limited love, as she pursues her designated life. She is bound by the law-- the only power or hope of freedom which she has comes from following the law. She pursues the law, all the while her heart is longing for true love. Now, the movie unfortunately sums "true love" up as a "foot-popping-good" kiss and a few moments stolen under a large tree (not to worry, rated PG for the 12-year-old audience). But at the same time, you get a very clear picture of the lack of freedom, under the guise of the law. Mia longs for something more. She longs for freedom, for true love (what a bwessed occasion!) and the ability to be entirely herself. And the beauty is, because this is a fairy tale, her dreams are granted. She becomes fully herself, as the law is abolished. She is free. And, she is loved.
How much greater is the picture of our Father's love for us... can't you hear his passion in his plea for us? "How long, oh my people, will you turn away, pursuing other lovers?" It is only in God's true love that we are free, whole, and satisfied. The law can never satisfy; moreover, we can never satisfy it. Other loves briefly fill, but they never quench our thirst or satisfy our hunger. Only under the mantle of Christ do we find true love and the freedom to be fully whom we were created to be. And THAT, my friends, is why Princess Diaries 2 made me cry. Because when Mia lets go of her false love and takes the risk, she finds more than she hoped-- her dreams, "true love" as defined by Disney, and fullness of herself. I cried because I long for a different freedom, wholeness, and fullness, as defined by God.
But all too often, I am content to believe that freedom, love, and wholeness belong in the fairy tales; that it is fantasy and make-believe for adolescents. Grown-ups know better. Bull. Grown-ups, we long for true and whole love, just as much as the tweens; we long for freedom; we long to be fully ourselves. But WHY, do we turn the gospel into an impossible fairy tale? a chore? a responsibility? We miss the joy. We miss the romance, as our Savior calls us by name; we miss the courage, as he triumphs over evil; and we miss the freedom that he calls us to, as we settle for a love still legalistic in character. We are content to satisfy the requirements without ever knowing the freedom.
Our God loves us with a love which is whole, free, and overflowing. This is not a fairy tale. It is not child's play. It is not a dream. It is on offer. It will cost you everything. But, oh friends, it is worth it. True love? The kind that sets you free? It's not in the personals section of the newspaper, or on e-harmony, or at 1-900-whateva... it's the kind of love that, once you encounter it, you will never be the same again. It's the kind of love story that sent our Savior to the cross, it's the kind of power that made him rise from the dead, and it's the kind of freedom that calls us co-heirs to the throne. Not by the law, that no man may boast. But by the wild, uninhibited love of our Savior... the kind of love story that a fairy tale can only mirror dimly...
Wednesday, July 25, 2007
The God-Particle
I like clarifications. Ergo, I will begin with two clarifications:
1) Blatant statement of fact: "I am a nerd. I have no problems with admitting this fact."
2) Half of this blog is about physics, so parts of the post may seem to be in a different language. Do not fear gentle reader, it is merely physics. Do not worry, I will translate it. :-)
That being said, the other day, I was reading an article in the New York Times entitled "The Race is on for the 'God Particle'", about an experiment at Fermilab (in Illinois) which potentially has data demonstrating the existence of the Higgs boson, a particle sometimes known as the 'God particle.' In addition to the delightfully non-scientific language of "bumpiness" in the data, prompting a good chuckle from my end, the article made me stop in my tracks, to take a second and think about the colloquialism, labeling this particular particle as the 'God particle.'
For those of you not familiar with the Higgs particle, allow me to be freakishly dorky for a moment and clarify, quoting the article cited above: "According to the Standard Model, a suite of equations that describe all the forces but gravity, elementary particles and forces are born equal and without mass. Some then acquire mass by wading through a sort of cosmic molasses called the Higgs field (named after the physicist Peter Higgs) the way that a VIP acquires an entourage pushing through a cocktail party." In other words, the Higgs boson would theoretically explain why some particles acquire mass and others don't.
Side note, for the non-physics students, mass is the key word here. What is mass? Mass is roughly a measure of the amount of matter, or "stuff" existing in an object. It's similar to weight, except that it is not affected by gravity. It is not to be confused with a Catholic Eucharist, a large tumor, a play commissioned by Jackie Kennedy, or an Austro-Bavarian unit for measuring beer, as Google.com so helpfully defines it.
But back to the point. Why would a particle that confers mass be called the "God particle"? Physicists would answer that it came from a tongue-in-cheek book about the Standard Model, by Leon Lederman, entitled: "The God Particle: If the Universe is the Answer, What is the Question?" While that title in and of itself would be a blog of its own, allow me to stick to my original topic....
You see, theoretically, if the Higgs boson does exist, when mass-less particles come into contact with a Higgs field, they would acquire mass. In other words, they would contain "stuff." Perhaps inadvertently, physicists have aptly titled the particle. In the same way, when we come into contact with God, we acquire something of meaning. Exodus 2:18-20 tells the story of Moses viewing God's glory... "Then Moses said, "Now show me your glory." And the LORD said, "I will cause all my goodness to pass in front of you, and I will proclaim my name, the LORD, in your presence. I will have mercy on whom I will have mercy, and I will have compassion on whom I will have compassion. But," he said, "you cannot see my face, for no one may see me and live." You see, the Hebrew word which is used in this passage to mean "glory" is the word "Kabod" which literally means the "weightiness" or the "substance" of God. In this passage, Moses could not encounter the glory of God fully, because the weightiness of it, in light of his sin, would be too much for him to bear. He could only see in part. It's like the great example that C.S. Lewis gives in the "Great Divorce" of the shadow people, for whom heaven was too weighty...
But our story does not stop there... 2 Corinthians 3:13,18 tells us, "13We are not like Moses, who would put a veil over his face to keep the Israelites from gazing at it while the radiance was fading away....Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. 18And we, who with unveiled faces all reflect the Lord's glory, are being transformed into his likeness with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit." In other words, we can encounter God, with unveiled faces, being transformed into his weightiness. Like a particle that encounters the theoretical Higgs field, we encounter the living God, and that transforms us, gives us substance, mass and meaning.
No longer do we live in the fruitless ways of our pasts, but we are entreated (Eph. 4:1) to "live a life worthy of our calling" and not to be "tossed back and forth by the waves, and blown here and there by every wind" (4:14). In other words, encountering God gives us meaning, or "matter" different from the "fruitless" and "empty" ways of sin, which are described in Ephesians 2 as belonging to the spirit of the air.
So, as to whether or not the Higgs boson exists, I don't know. Neither do physicists. But I would say that is quite aptly named... The articles quotes, "Unfortunately, the model (standard model) does not say how heavy the Higgs boson itself... should be." Physicists are trying to figure that out (as well as trying to ascertain its existence)... likewise, we as believers have no idea how glory-full God is, yet we daily delve deeper, seeking to see more of that glory (of the God we know exists). Worthwhile? I think so...
1) Blatant statement of fact: "I am a nerd. I have no problems with admitting this fact."
2) Half of this blog is about physics, so parts of the post may seem to be in a different language. Do not fear gentle reader, it is merely physics. Do not worry, I will translate it. :-)
That being said, the other day, I was reading an article in the New York Times entitled "The Race is on for the 'God Particle'", about an experiment at Fermilab (in Illinois) which potentially has data demonstrating the existence of the Higgs boson, a particle sometimes known as the 'God particle.' In addition to the delightfully non-scientific language of "bumpiness" in the data, prompting a good chuckle from my end, the article made me stop in my tracks, to take a second and think about the colloquialism, labeling this particular particle as the 'God particle.'
For those of you not familiar with the Higgs particle, allow me to be freakishly dorky for a moment and clarify, quoting the article cited above: "According to the Standard Model, a suite of equations that describe all the forces but gravity, elementary particles and forces are born equal and without mass. Some then acquire mass by wading through a sort of cosmic molasses called the Higgs field (named after the physicist Peter Higgs) the way that a VIP acquires an entourage pushing through a cocktail party." In other words, the Higgs boson would theoretically explain why some particles acquire mass and others don't.
Side note, for the non-physics students, mass is the key word here. What is mass? Mass is roughly a measure of the amount of matter, or "stuff" existing in an object. It's similar to weight, except that it is not affected by gravity. It is not to be confused with a Catholic Eucharist, a large tumor, a play commissioned by Jackie Kennedy, or an Austro-Bavarian unit for measuring beer, as Google.com so helpfully defines it.
But back to the point. Why would a particle that confers mass be called the "God particle"? Physicists would answer that it came from a tongue-in-cheek book about the Standard Model, by Leon Lederman, entitled: "The God Particle: If the Universe is the Answer, What is the Question?" While that title in and of itself would be a blog of its own, allow me to stick to my original topic....
You see, theoretically, if the Higgs boson does exist, when mass-less particles come into contact with a Higgs field, they would acquire mass. In other words, they would contain "stuff." Perhaps inadvertently, physicists have aptly titled the particle. In the same way, when we come into contact with God, we acquire something of meaning. Exodus 2:18-20 tells the story of Moses viewing God's glory... "Then Moses said, "Now show me your glory." And the LORD said, "I will cause all my goodness to pass in front of you, and I will proclaim my name, the LORD, in your presence. I will have mercy on whom I will have mercy, and I will have compassion on whom I will have compassion. But," he said, "you cannot see my face, for no one may see me and live." You see, the Hebrew word which is used in this passage to mean "glory" is the word "Kabod" which literally means the "weightiness" or the "substance" of God. In this passage, Moses could not encounter the glory of God fully, because the weightiness of it, in light of his sin, would be too much for him to bear. He could only see in part. It's like the great example that C.S. Lewis gives in the "Great Divorce" of the shadow people, for whom heaven was too weighty...
But our story does not stop there... 2 Corinthians 3:13,18 tells us, "13We are not like Moses, who would put a veil over his face to keep the Israelites from gazing at it while the radiance was fading away....Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. 18And we, who with unveiled faces all reflect the Lord's glory, are being transformed into his likeness with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit." In other words, we can encounter God, with unveiled faces, being transformed into his weightiness. Like a particle that encounters the theoretical Higgs field, we encounter the living God, and that transforms us, gives us substance, mass and meaning.
No longer do we live in the fruitless ways of our pasts, but we are entreated (Eph. 4:1) to "live a life worthy of our calling" and not to be "tossed back and forth by the waves, and blown here and there by every wind" (4:14). In other words, encountering God gives us meaning, or "matter" different from the "fruitless" and "empty" ways of sin, which are described in Ephesians 2 as belonging to the spirit of the air.
So, as to whether or not the Higgs boson exists, I don't know. Neither do physicists. But I would say that is quite aptly named... The articles quotes, "Unfortunately, the model (standard model) does not say how heavy the Higgs boson itself... should be." Physicists are trying to figure that out (as well as trying to ascertain its existence)... likewise, we as believers have no idea how glory-full God is, yet we daily delve deeper, seeking to see more of that glory (of the God we know exists). Worthwhile? I think so...
Saturday, July 21, 2007
the book that inspired the world...
Before I begin, let me clarify. I am an extrovert (Myers-Briggs "E"). I delight in being in large swarms of people, even if I am not participating in the swarmation. I receive energy from other people, and more specifically, from their enthusiasm. So last night, despite the fact that I am not an avid Harry Potter fan, someone said party, and so I went!
In my defense, I have actually read the books, but my fanaticism is rather controlled, compared to some of the extravagance that I witnessed last night. The best I could do was a half-hearted joke about the "leaky cauldron" when the pot brewing my coffee boiled over due to lack of attention by the barista. Others in my company were fully decked out with purple hair, fake eyes, capes, scarves, and broomsticks galore. And, ne'er let me forget the small child who had actually attempted to elongate his ears, so that he would appear more house-elvish. Some hundreds of people packed into Barnes and Noble to await the release of book number 7. The angst was audible and the enthusiasm contagious.
As the folks lined up to receive their coveted volume, and the countdown to midnight concluded, I separated myself from the mayhem and moved into the fresh air outside to observe people as they exited the store. I find joy contagious, and good golly there was plenty of it last night! People were shouting and jumping as they passed through the wooden gates! YES! FINALLY! MINE! Now, gentle reader, I ask you, when before has a book ever inspired such a wide spread response, from the old, the young, the odd, the cool, the uncool, the avid readers and the non-readers? J.K. Rowling is not perhaps the most eloquent of writers-- in fact her style often leaves something to be desired in terms of grammar and structure. She is not proposing a radical new concept or mindset. She is not out to change the world. What is it about her books that is captivating? Simply put, she tells a story. She draws us in. She woos us, with a tale that speaks to both our dreams (yes, dreams) and reality. Her characters are simple; we can relate to them. Yet at the same time, they possess the ability to do magic and defy reality. J.K.Rowling is a story teller who knows how to speak to an audience, old and young, that has not outgrown their desire for pretend, to imagine, to be an ordinary extraordinary hero. Side, note, how would one address Ms. Rowling? I, for one, would always feel as if I was speaking in www jargon... ::valley girl accent:: "So, JK, tell me about things?" "JK, as I was saying..."
As people left the store, some of them flipped to the final pages, to "see how it all ends." (Side note, this drives me NUTS!) Others plugged their ears so that they would not accidentally hear any spoilers shouting out the secrets of the epic. Still others clutched the book to their chests, as if it would sprout wings and fly away (muttering under their breath "my own, my precious"?). I started thinking, as I giggled at their profundity, how often this is our approach to life. Many of us desperately want to figure out "how it all ends", so that we can live our lives in peace. We are anxious to jump to the conclusion, skipping all the steps along the way, so that we can live in the ending itself. Others plug their ears, not wanting to hear anything about the ending, in the fear that it might not be what they are wanting or hoping for. And others cling so tightly to life, that they are unwilling truly to live it, because merely possessing it is sufficient for their contentment.
As believers, we have the inside glimpse. We know the ending of the story; we have already read the final chapter. In fact, we know the author personally, and it was He who told us the conclusion to the book. Yet, while that part of the tale is partly "already" here, it is also partly "not yet." Thus, we sit down to read the rest of the story... to live our lives... day to day. We have to have all the chapters which come before the ending, in order for the book to be complete. In gospel terms, you cannot have the resurrection without the crucifixion. You cannot jump immediately to heaven from earth, without Jesus in the middle. Nor can we avoid living our lives here on earth in the meantime. We are not quite yet boxed up and waiting for heaven; there is work to be done here on earth. Nor can we ignore the fact that the end is coming; plugging ones ears does no good. Inevitably, while the question of Harry's imminent death is still unanswered, ours is not. We will all die, and ultimately, we all have a faith decision which must be made. Nor can you simply possess life, and not live it; this is to deny the abundant freedom which we have been given! There is so much more to the life that God has given us, that He delights to bless us with. So, dig deeper.
So, what do we do now? We know the ending... now read the book. Live in abundant freedom. Live in the good and the bad. Your true Author will never let you fall. The ending is unchanging. And the tale is fascinating.... so live it out! As for Harry Potter, I continue to plug away...Or, as they say, I just keeps on Rowling Rowling Rowling...
In my defense, I have actually read the books, but my fanaticism is rather controlled, compared to some of the extravagance that I witnessed last night. The best I could do was a half-hearted joke about the "leaky cauldron" when the pot brewing my coffee boiled over due to lack of attention by the barista. Others in my company were fully decked out with purple hair, fake eyes, capes, scarves, and broomsticks galore. And, ne'er let me forget the small child who had actually attempted to elongate his ears, so that he would appear more house-elvish. Some hundreds of people packed into Barnes and Noble to await the release of book number 7. The angst was audible and the enthusiasm contagious.
As the folks lined up to receive their coveted volume, and the countdown to midnight concluded, I separated myself from the mayhem and moved into the fresh air outside to observe people as they exited the store. I find joy contagious, and good golly there was plenty of it last night! People were shouting and jumping as they passed through the wooden gates! YES! FINALLY! MINE! Now, gentle reader, I ask you, when before has a book ever inspired such a wide spread response, from the old, the young, the odd, the cool, the uncool, the avid readers and the non-readers? J.K. Rowling is not perhaps the most eloquent of writers-- in fact her style often leaves something to be desired in terms of grammar and structure. She is not proposing a radical new concept or mindset. She is not out to change the world. What is it about her books that is captivating? Simply put, she tells a story. She draws us in. She woos us, with a tale that speaks to both our dreams (yes, dreams) and reality. Her characters are simple; we can relate to them. Yet at the same time, they possess the ability to do magic and defy reality. J.K.Rowling is a story teller who knows how to speak to an audience, old and young, that has not outgrown their desire for pretend, to imagine, to be an ordinary extraordinary hero. Side, note, how would one address Ms. Rowling? I, for one, would always feel as if I was speaking in www jargon... ::valley girl accent:: "So, JK, tell me about things?" "JK, as I was saying..."
As people left the store, some of them flipped to the final pages, to "see how it all ends." (Side note, this drives me NUTS!) Others plugged their ears so that they would not accidentally hear any spoilers shouting out the secrets of the epic. Still others clutched the book to their chests, as if it would sprout wings and fly away (muttering under their breath "my own, my precious"?). I started thinking, as I giggled at their profundity, how often this is our approach to life. Many of us desperately want to figure out "how it all ends", so that we can live our lives in peace. We are anxious to jump to the conclusion, skipping all the steps along the way, so that we can live in the ending itself. Others plug their ears, not wanting to hear anything about the ending, in the fear that it might not be what they are wanting or hoping for. And others cling so tightly to life, that they are unwilling truly to live it, because merely possessing it is sufficient for their contentment.
As believers, we have the inside glimpse. We know the ending of the story; we have already read the final chapter. In fact, we know the author personally, and it was He who told us the conclusion to the book. Yet, while that part of the tale is partly "already" here, it is also partly "not yet." Thus, we sit down to read the rest of the story... to live our lives... day to day. We have to have all the chapters which come before the ending, in order for the book to be complete. In gospel terms, you cannot have the resurrection without the crucifixion. You cannot jump immediately to heaven from earth, without Jesus in the middle. Nor can we avoid living our lives here on earth in the meantime. We are not quite yet boxed up and waiting for heaven; there is work to be done here on earth. Nor can we ignore the fact that the end is coming; plugging ones ears does no good. Inevitably, while the question of Harry's imminent death is still unanswered, ours is not. We will all die, and ultimately, we all have a faith decision which must be made. Nor can you simply possess life, and not live it; this is to deny the abundant freedom which we have been given! There is so much more to the life that God has given us, that He delights to bless us with. So, dig deeper.
So, what do we do now? We know the ending... now read the book. Live in abundant freedom. Live in the good and the bad. Your true Author will never let you fall. The ending is unchanging. And the tale is fascinating.... so live it out! As for Harry Potter, I continue to plug away...Or, as they say, I just keeps on Rowling Rowling Rowling...
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