in pursuit of happiness...

Happiness. Or, if you prefer the Will Smith version: Happyness (and its pursuit therein.)

It's our obsession. Often times a nice one, but an obsession nonetheless. One of our constitutionally declared human rights: of life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. Sorry, Will, we tend to prefer to use "i" as often as possible.

Webster defines it as "a state of well-being characterized by emotions ranging from contentment to intense joy"). For most people, that correlates to "good times," "pleasure," and "fulfillment of our desires." Happiness always seems to be one acquisition away: a spouse, freedom, a child, more money, a house, a new toy, deeper faith, a few more goats, a bottle of milk, you name it.

Yet, this system of happiness is deeply flawed because it always leaves us searching for more. It is hedonistic in nature and never leads one to a place of contentment. It's the search for contentment which is preceded by the qualifier "If only I had..." or "If only I were" which can be followed by any variation of hedonistic to holy items and adjectives.

And the Christmas/New Years season seems to be the King Kong of all seasons for this pursuit of happiness and self-improvement.

Please don't mistake me: there is plenty of good that can come from constantly seeking to grow or improve or go deeper. There are good growth goals, and good New Years resolutions. I've already made my five or six. But at a root level, we are looking for our happiness in the wrong places.

At a root level (see previous post), we are assuming that we by doing the right things, pursuing the right things, and changing ourselves in the right ways, can bring ourselves happiness. Even in a Christian context: I want to pray more, I want to deepen my faith, I want to be faithful in my QTs or generous with my money. Those are good things. But they start from a position of self-action. And that's flawed. This true "happiness," that deep sense of contentment and intense joy, can only come from surrendering our lives, and our goals to someone who knows better, who has only our best in mind. Otherwise, it's just a constant striving for self-improvement in which we will inevitably fail.

So, here's my suggestion: instead of creating our own New Year's resolutions, instead of attempting to "make" ourselves "happy," why don't we ask God what he would have us do? You see, He seems to have the master plan for our eternal well-being (which may look drastically different than what we think we want), and my guess is, His plan is better than ours. May our words echo Paul's in Philippians 4:12-13

I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength.

Our contentment, our intense joy, even our happiness does not come from our "pursuit" but rather from our rest in a good God who knows better than we, what is best for us.

Symptomatic

While on holiday at my parents home, I am without my trusted steed, my beloved metal box, my small but reliable Honda Civic. This is all well and good because apparently he's sleeping under about 2 feet of snow (probably deserved the rest). But, what that means is, when I want or need to go somewhere here in NC, I have to borrow my Dad's monster... I mean truck. Picture an 18 wheeler, and then downsize it just a teeny little bit...

Now, lest you worry, this truck does come with extra special features. Some might be tempted to refer to them as "door that does not shut all the way," "unusable mirrors," "fuel light that constantly blinks on and off" and a "blind spot the size of a hippopotamus," but I like to think of them as "fresh air rippling through my hair," "an odd form of neck stretching/exercising gear," "built in twinkly lights," and "an excuse for any poor driving decisions that I make."

My favorite feature, however, is the flashing yellow light correlating with a dramatic fuel gauge drop, that warns me in capital letters that I am low on fuel. And best of all, it does so spontaneously, regardless of the actual level of my tank. This results in a moment of panic, until I realize that no no, I just filled up 15 miles ago, and while the tanker does guzzle gas, not even it can guzzle that fast.

When that light flashes, it flashes to warn me that something is wrong, or will go wrong soon in the future. But the flashing, in this case, is merely symptomatic of something else that is wrong in the car. The fuel level may or may not be low. That is not the real issue. The electronics in the truck are the issue. The flashing lights signal a deeper problem than just fuel level.

It struck me tonight, driving home, how true this is of our lives as well. Often times small things cause us to blow up, loose control, run away, hide from a situation or person, or retreat into ourselves. Yet, often times, neither the small things nor our immediate reaction to them is the root problem at hand. Rather, they are symptomatic of a deeper issue, resonating on a heart and soul level.

The best doctors treat the illness, not just the symptoms. They do not prescribe cough drops for tuberculosis, merely because the patient complains of a persistent cough. They do not hand out tissues to a patient with AIDS, simply because they complain of a cold that will not go away.

We too could stand to learn from this lesson: until the roots of our issues are laid bare, we are merely passing out cough drops and tissues or buying gasoline every 15 miles. But far too often, we are content to merely treat the symptoms (sadness, self-hatred, apathy, futility, arrogance, anger, to name a few).

Is it messy to search for the roots? Absolutely. Is it complicated? Certainly. Does it require outside help (a trained mechanic in the case of my father's truck; a counselor or mentor in other situations)? Please, dear Lord, I do not want to see myself under that hood. Yes. Is it painful to prod and dig until the root is laid bare? Most definitely. But, in the end, addressing the root of our issues is the only way by which we are able to deal, to process, to heal, to be made whole.

It is far easier to remain "fine." It is far better to answer the great Physician "Yes, I want to be healed and I am willing to do whatever it takes."

Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas from our family to yours!

Nat'l Champions

Today, for the first time in all of school history (all 178 years of it), for the first time in any sport, the University of Richmond won a national athletics title.

Today,Spider Football team defeated the Montana Grizzlies 24-7 in the NCAA Division I finals to claim their first National title!

And I'm Spider-born and Spider-bred and when I die, I'll be spider-dead...
We are.... U...R!

I'm always proud to be a spider, but today, I'm a little extra excited and proud!

Darth Vader, a woman and an Ent

Today, on the bus ride to campus, an older (and by older I mean comparative with my grandfather) man struck up a conversation with me... While it was slightly creepy at times (e.g. when he managed to simultaneously insult and deride Christianity and tell me that he was single, available and looking, all in the same sentence), it was also interesting to see what he had to say about faith and God.

One of the mixed blessing/curses of working in ministry is that upon hearing about your job, people frequently tell you their opinion of God, Christians, faith, the Church, etc. While he began by telling me that he thinks of God as some combination of Darth Vader, a woman, and an Ent (picture that kids), he concluded by telling me about when he was homeless for four years and believed in God because he realized he couldn't get by without that belief. He said he couldn't have kept going, unless there was something outside of himself because he, in and of himself, was unable.

That's profound. Not the Ents part. The concept that we cling to God most tightly, we believe in God most fully, when we understand our need for him. Profound.

Mark 2:17 "Jesus said to them, "It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners."

Perhaps this is why God often seems to give us more than we ourselves can handle... because it is only in our neediest moments that we understand our need for Him, and we take our eyes off of ourselves and honestly and truly look at Him, sometimes for the first time.

Simplicity on the far side of Complexity

"I would not give a fig for the simplicity this side of complexity, But I would give my life for the simplicity on the other side of complexity." -- Oliver Wendell Holmes

This quote begins a chapter entitled "On Simplicity and Complexity" in one of my favorite books of all time, entitled "The Moral Imagination: The Art and Soul of Building Peace" (John Paul Lederach). The thesis of the chapter is that you have to "complexify before you simplify" (33) because the simplicity that comes before knowing all of the varying in sundry complicating factors in a situation is really worthless, inane and naive. But, often times, the true answer is also remarkably simple: you just have to be on the far side of complexity in order to see it clearly.

- "I love you" said in passing is a joke or a pick-up line. Said sincerely, after two hours of fighting through your issues, both still steaming from anger-felt, it is both moving and profound.

- "Money doesn't matter" said when living with excess money is naive. After years of making ends meet penny by penny, putting children through college, and working three jobs, to be able to say that money does not matter is full of wisdom.

- Peace between nations might be made through a simple conversation between two mundane individuals. But to attempt to arrange that conversation prior to understanding all the actors on the stage would be ludicrous.

- "Don't worry; God is in control" said when your life is spiraling out of control can feel tactless and trite. Is it true? Yes. But does it have deep meaning until you realize it yourself, on the far of side of complexity? No.

My simplicity on the near side of complexity: "Just be yourself! People should like you."
The complexity: they don't always and I don't always.
The simplicity on the far side of complexity: "It's not about me and life works better when I stop focusing on me and how I'm doing, how I'm performing, and start focusing on Jesus, and caring for others."

It's remarkably simple. But it takes wrestling through (and failing in) all of the other options in order to see that simplicity. You could have told me that 3 months ago, and I would have completely agreed that you were correct. But it would not have resonated in the same way that it does now, after 3 months of self-serving, self-examining arrogance, doubt, pride and self-pity.

Here's my point: the answer to our dilemmas often times is ridiculously simple. But in order to see and understand the simple answer, often times, we must first walk through the complexity.

Where we often mess up? We want to give a simple answer when we haven't engaged the issues. Dealing with grief and loss is one of these areas. Dealing with sin is another. Dealing with questions or doubts is another.

The answer is always simple. But in order to get there, we sometimes (most of the time) have to get messy first. The take home? Don't be afraid to engage the complexity. But at the same time, don't miss the forest for the trees.

There is beauty in the simplicity on the far side of complexity.

Complexity, defined

As defined by a google images search:

World AIDs Day

This is an AIDs event which some of our students put on on campus this past Monday, December 1 (World Aids Day) to raise awareness. There are four hundred pictures representing children affected by the AIDs pandemic, shown above (event sponsored by World Vision). The pictures covered the entirety of one quad on our campus, and that's just a drop in the bucket compared to the overall statistics:

Every day, nearly 6,000 people die from AIDs.
Every day another 6,000 children are orphaned by AIDs.
That's one person dying every 15 seconds.
Another one orphaned every 15 seconds.

33 million people world-wide live with AIDs.

To learn more, about what you can do, visit World Vision's website.

Family. Culture. Heritage.

I spent Thanksgiving with my family in Virginia... a few things I observed on my heritage and culture:

• My family is very proud of our ethnic heritage. I am 1/8 Norwegian, 1/8 Swedish, 1/8 Scottish, 5/8 German. And I am told repeatedly of our history... the great-grandfather who fought in the Civil War... the great-great-great-something grandfather who fought in the Revolutionary war... the great grandmother and great great grandparents who immigrated and made a life for themselves here, out of nothing. The sketchy great-great grandfather who, at age 50 married a 25 year old and had 8 children. This is my heritage. My family is proud of it; I was raised on these stories. I was raised to be proud of my heritage.

My culture is Southern, American, White, with a lot of German-Scandinavian influences:

• We avoid conflict face-to-face, although talking about it behind someone's back, raising a "concern about someone," happens far too often.
• Sometimes there is a false veneer of "politeness" and "niceness."
  
• Male dominance and superiority, deference to male leadership is assumed. Women are supposed to be the domestic, hospitable, gentle ones. Their place is in the kitchen.
• Race tends to be talked about in a negative light.
• Education is highly, sometimes overly, valued.
  

• We value music highly.
• We hug a lot.
  
• Laughter and tears flow freely, for both men and women.
  
• We show that we care by feeding people and showing hospitality.
  
• Hard work is highly valued, as is frugality and timeliness.
• We are always there for one another, no matter what, even if we don't like the other person, or agree with what they're doing. Why? Because we're family and family is more important than anything.
  
• Money is always shared between family members. We help each other out.

There are parts of my culture which are good and Godly. There are other parts which are distorted by sin. But this is my heritage... and it is my culture. And both affect who I am, and how I relate to and care for others...