man, I feel like a woman.

I am a very independent and competent woman. Almost to a fault, but not quite. And as such, often times it is assumed that I can take care of myself, that I don't need to be treated like a lady or, worst case scenario, that I will eat anyone alive who tries to help me out. Freshman year of college, that might have been the case, but thankfully my guy friends and Carolyn staged an intervention. Thank you, again.


At any rate, because of this, sometimes it's rare for me to be treated like a lady or have someone express concern for my well-being. I take full blame for that; I give off an aura that I don't need it. But all the same, it's still a pleasant surprise when it occurs.

I was reminded of this last night, when one of my guy friends expressed concern for me making it home alright, walking alone at a late hour. To me, I have to do this every night, and have really only felt nervous twice (ask me about the bicycle riding banshee), so I don't even think about it anymore. But in his words, "twice is twice too many times." That genuine concern and even chivalrousness of offering to walk me home, way out of his way, meant a lot. I was thinking about this last night, and two things really stuck out to me:

1) I am grateful for the gentlemanly men in my life. Really. Even though I am a strong, independent woman who doesn't necessarily need help, it means a ton when it's offered freely. Gentlemanliness is entirely different from chauvinistic imposition of power, and does not minimize my feminine strength, but blesses it with masculine strength and concern. I am grateful for you guys and I need to tell you that more often. Thank you.

2) It is a spiritual discipline for me to depend on other people. I have spent my entire life training myself to be independent, and I am good at it. I actually need to allow people to help me, care for me, or express care and concern for me. This is hard. I push back against it. And I am scared of it. But ultimately, we are called to interdependent- needing one another- not independent. This has been my lesson of the year, and I think will continue to be...

That's all for now.