Scarcity in Generosity

As a preface, generosity is not my strong suit or natural reaction, but it's something that God has been challenging me to grow in... to give when I'm asked and able (and when appropriate!), to not consider money something of "my own, my precious" but to develop a heart of generosity...

Yesterday, like many recent days, I found myself running from meeting to meeting. Leaving campus, transit included, I had about 15 minutes to spare before heading to small group, so I walked through the Boston Common, enjoying the beautiful almost-fall weather and made a quick stop in a Dunkin Donuts to grab a cup of coffee as my dinner substitute.

As is typical for the Boston Common, I ran into many homeless men and women along my way, most of whom asked for any spare change that I might have. As I entered Dunkin Donuts, there was a woman sitting right by the door, who also asked for my spare change. As I rarely carry any cash or change, I typically don't have anything tangible to offer [and I have mixed feeling about giving money on the street], but as I was already going into the DD, I said, "I don't have any cash, but can I buy you a cup of coffee?" to which the woman readily assented.

As I was waiting in line, the woman came into the DD and asked, boldly, if she could have a sandwich as well. She wasn't pushy or demanding, just boldly asking...

And I, in all my moment of generosity, have to confess that my gut reaction [all internal, in the span of about 10 seconds] wasn't particularly holy, and in the spirit of vulnerability and honesty, I wanted to share some of that with you:

... "I'm already being generous. How dare she ask for more!"

... "Well, from the looks of it, she's not starving by a long shot; why is she asking for more?"

... "Doesn't she realize that I'm only buying coffee for myself because I can't afford to buy dinner out; my budget is already tight this month... I raise support for crying out loud! I don't have that much to begin with!"

See, I think, at least for me, there is a scarcity to my generosity. It has to be on my terms. It has to be my way. And it's all about someone being "worthy" to receive the tremendous gift of my altruistic kindness.

And last night, I feel like God said "no."

... it's not about her "worthiness"
... it's not about her "need"
... it's not about her gratitude or reception of your gift or what she does with it.

Instead, he said, "It's about your heart. And right now, you are scandalously begrudging in your generosity. And this is not about her. This is about you."

Don't get me wrong, I'm not advocating that we should dole out cash to every panhandler or giving to every scam that asks- I don't know that that's actually beneficial to anyone and I do think we are called to be wise with our resources.

But I am saying, I think often times, the invitation to generosity has more to do with us and the attitudes of our hearts, rather than the worthiness or legitimate need of the receiver. Giving, or generosity, represents a posture in which we recognize that our resources are not our own. It is recognizing that we likewise have received generosity that was not merited.

• It is a posture of gratitude, not begrudging.
• It recognizes that the resources we have are not our own.
• It is a heart attitude that has less to do with worthiness of the person, and more to do with worship of the God who has given us everything, and with whom there is no scarcity.

I bought her the sandwich. But I think it was I who gained far more...