Plotline: my roommate and I discovered that we had extra-hoppy very-hungry friends living in our carpet. This would not be a problem, except that our hoppy friends were leftover from the previous occupant's hairy four-legged critters. Not only are they delinquent and not paying rent, but they also haven't eaten in several weeks, so they were satiating their hunger by nibbling on us. If I am being too cryptic, the bottom line is, we found fleas in our floor and our flesh. So this morning, first thing (Even before making coffee!) when I woke up, I called the maintenance hotline. Hindsight: probably better to make the coffee first. Verbatim below:
::ring ring::
Hotline: Hello?
Me: Good morning! I'm the resident in apartment D 13, and I just have a quick question for you.
Hotline: Ok, what can I do to help?
Me: Well, I was wondering, did the previous occupant have a pet?
Hotline: I'm not sure, but I can check. Why?
Me: Well, I think when they moved out, they left some little friends behind, and they are biting us.
Hotline: Ummm...
Me: Meaning, there are fleas in our apartment, and they do not belong to us, nor do we wish to inherit them or adopt them.
Hotline: You have fleas?
Me: No, I do not have fleas. But my carpet does.
Hotline: Oh. Do you have a pet?
Me: Not unless the fleas count.
Hotline: Oh, ok. Hmm. Ok. So what can I do for you?
Me: Umm....Well, see, the point is, we have fleas. But we don't want them. They bite.
Hotline: Ohhh ok, so you want me to get rid of them.
Me: YES!
Hotline: Riiiiiiight, extermination (::said with delightful vengeance!::)!
Me: Sure?!
Hotline: Ok. Now who are you, again?
Great morning. Thankfully, extermination is on its way. Little friends, you are soon to be no more. And your great dance party, while it has been spectacular, will soon end. Boogie woogie woogie, zap! Lunch is over, fellas. May you rest in peace.
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