Jehovah Nissi: the Lord is my banner.

Kristen here, reporting from Madison WI, at IV Mecca! While it's been two years since I was last here, in some ways, it feels like just yesterday...

Yet, this year, this experience really has felt like a place of Ebenezer for me, of celebrating redemption, in how far God has brought me in the last 2 years, since I was here for my ONS.

Then... I really wasn't sure I wanted to be on IV staff... and was actively praying that God would show me that he had made a mistake in his calling and didn't really want me on staff. I was looking for a way out, and nearly had that elevator conversation with my supervisor many many times. Had the "I quit" ("before I even begin!") speech memorized.

Now... I can say with certainty that the last two years, while hard at times, have been an immense blessing, and have caused me to grow in beautiful ways that I wouldn't have otherwise. And I can say with certainty, that I am supposed to be on staff for this time.

Then... I was at 0% of budget, with God's promise that he would raise it by September 15th. I was terrified, shame-filled, and in 100% avoidance mode.

Now... I can testify to the fact that God has answered that prayer in abundance, every year that I have been on staff. The Lord has never let me be in want. He has been my Jehovah Jireh. My provider. And I trust that he will be again.

Then... I hadn't even begun to deal with my perfectionism, and had dealt with very little of the hurts and brokenness of my past.

Now... I can honestly say, God has been refining me like silver in a fire, burning off the dross. It has been painful, hard, and long, but oh so deeply rewarding. It's not all gone by any means, but he has given me a greater sense of my own sin, an eagerness to repent, and has begun a long [and continual] process of speaking freedom over me, in the areas of perfectionism, and past hurt.

Then... Two years ago, Keith Hirata was commissioning us to go out to serve on the campus. He anointed my knees (something which seemed strange at the time), and blessed me to become a woman of prayer. I thought it rather bizarre, and out of the ordinary, but took note anyhow.

Now... God has really challenged me to grow in prayer, and as a result, I'm in Madison for a prayer ministry course. And my dependence on the Holy Spirit has only increased as the Lord has blessed my desire to know him and depend on him more. I don't think Keith knew how prophetic his words would be, but I still feel deeply blessed by them.

Then... I was an un-experienced, nervous 22-year old who thought she knew everything, fiercely independent, and not so good at trusting.

Now... I am still an un-experienced, slightly less young person, but the Lord has been teaching me a lot about interdependence, waiting on him, and listening for his voice. In that, he has taught me how little I know, but how much he delights to use me anyhow. And as I step out in faith, he has increased my capacity and hunger for trust, intimacy, and vulnerability.

Jehovah Rapha. The Lord is my healer. Jehovah Elohim. The Lord our God.

Here I raise my Ebenezer. The Lord has been faithful to me.