Letter to the Fire Department

Dear Three Friendly Firemen-

Thank you so much for responding to our phone call(s) so promptly, even though it was 6:30 in the morning. It is so nice to know that you can make it to our house, even though there are 4+ inches of snow on the ground, in under 10 minutes. Glad that you called off the second truck and your four slightly sarcastic buddies that came along last time; that might have been a tad bit of overkill considering there was NO fire. Oh and thanks for not using the loud sirens this time, the neighbors really appreciated that. And I am so sorry that you felt over-dressed in your full combat gear... at least you were warm in the pelting snow, right? And really, the gear is rather fashionable, albeit bulky (the axe might have been over-kill though?)...

We are so sorry that it was a false alarm yet again. Seems our fire alarms are well-versed in the ability to go off, but not so strong in its discernment gifts as to WHEN to go off. e.g. at 5am, 6:09, 6:32, 6:47, 7:56, 9:25 and 10:51am on a national holiday when there is NO fire might not be the best ideas. Rest assured, while we are not well-rested this morning and in fact rather bleary-eyed, we are very much on the same page as you- this needs to not happen again! We already called the landlord.

So, while it's been lovely seeing you twice in the past month-- please don't take this the wrong way-- I really hope that we won't be seeing you in our apartment (us in our PJ's, you in full combat gear) any time in the near future. Unless you would like to take charge of removing the pigeon tribe who seems to be nesting in our ceiling and literally obeying the divine mandate to be "fruitful and multiply."

Of course, if there ever is an actual fire, we are entirely grateful that you already know the way to our house and hope that you won't be so tired of false alarms that you will automatically mute our call button.

Sincerely,
the Residents of Suite High Life