So, in my job, I end up having many conversations about different issues, behaviors, brokenness, and habits, that wouldn't normally come up in a "regular" job. It is a privilege and an honor to hear about people's struggles and depths; one that I do not take lightly.
Among those, often times, conversations about sexuality will come up... we were created as sexual beings, and that is a good thing! To struggle with sexual brokenness, I think, is inherent to the fact our best and most human needs and desires are often those most deeply bent and marred by sin. And so, our sexuality, a good and holy thing, is often twisted and bent in ways that are not holy as a result of sin: lust, abuse, masturbation, idolatry, pornography, fear, shame; just to name a few... And let's be frank, people: this is not just something that men struggle with... let's debunk that myth, here and now. For real.
At any rate, I find often times, as we get into the topics of sexual brokenness, specifically around the issue of masturbation (the dreaded m-word), we, in Christian circles are taught that it is wrong, and we shouldn't do it, but the "why" is often not as clear... "just don't do it." And then the topic is shut down, because heaven forbid that we actually get caught using the m-word [even onomatopoetically, there's a sense of "dirtiness" to the word]. And I think there is a fear and foolishness associated with that, that is ultimately not satisfactory. If it's wrong, there has to be a reason...
And so I share this quote with you, because I have found it particularly helpful in processing this particular issue... in particular, I find it helpful because it gives us a reason why masturbation is less than God's design, even in the absence of lust or pornography. CS Lewis uses gendered language, but feel free to extrapolate the principle. And while you might not agree (that's fine), hopefully it will at least provide some good food for thought.
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For me the real evil of masturbation would be that it takes an appetite which in lawful use, leads the individual out of himself to complete (and correct) his own personality in that of another (and finally in children and even grandchildren) and turns it back; sends the man back into the prison of himself, there to keep a harem of imaginary brides.
And this harem, once admitted, works against his ever getting out and really uniting with a real woman. For the harem is always accessible, always subservient, calls for no sacrifices or adjustments, and can be endowed with erotic and psychological attractions which no real woman can rival. Among those shadowy brides he is always adored, always the perfect lover; no demand is ever made on his unselfishness, no mortification ever imposed on his vanity. In the end, they become merely the medium through which he increasingly adores himself...
... After all, almost the main work of this life is to come out of ourselves, out of the little, dark prison we are all born in. Masturbation is to be avoided as all things are to be avoided which retard this process. The danger is that of coming to love the prison.
- CS Lewis, Letter (March 6, 1956) to a Mr. Mason, Wade Collection, Wheaton College, Wheaton, Illinois. [as quoted in The Broken Image: Restoring Personal Wholeness Through Healing Prayer, by Leanne Payne, Crossway Books, 1981]
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