The Sirens of Power

I was back in Richmond this past week for a couple days, and while I was there, I spent a little bit of time visiting my old haunting grounds at U of R. One of the things that I did was visit a lot of professors of mine, including those in the physics department.

For those of you who have not been privy to my academic history, I was one of those students who came in to college knowing exactly what I wanted to do: science policy diplomacy, specifically nuclear policy, specifically Eastern Europe. Studied nuclear physics and political science. Had my life in the hat. Forget the 5 year plan, I was working on the 60 year plan. And I was well on my way to the plan; I was good at what I did, was published, lauded, networked, and well-liked. And then God intervened, and I ended up in campus ministry instead [ask me about that story sometime]...

And I do not regret that decision. I have no doubts that this is where God has called me for this season in my life and I honestly love my job...

But there are moments in which the Sirens of power, fame, money, and prestige still call my name. This past week was one of those times.

This past week, when I sat down with my college physics advisor, he made a comment about, how, if I decided to come back to science policy, he would be glad to make a phone call for me, to connect me with a good job. And for just a moment, I allowed myself to day-dream as to what that could look like:

• Respect from my peers when I tell them what I do, rather than an awkward "well that's nice" and a quick change of the subject...
  
• Financial stability, even affluence, not having to raise my own support.
• An economy of merit-based success in which I CAN earn praise, fame, prestige, etc.
• An opportunity to "be someone" and have people notice and praise me.
  
• An opportunity to "make a difference" in ways that all my peers would applaud.

One phone call away.

The Sirens of power, fame, money and prestige can sing pretty sweetly. And not all the things that they say are innately wrong. There is nothing innately wrong with being the sciences; in fact, I think there is a huge need for the people of God to be in the hard sciences, particularly physics. And perhaps one day God will call me back there, I don't know. But here's the one thing I do know: the call of the Sirens is all about me and making me comfortable, feeling good about myself. And that is not the economy of the kingdom.

God is not a God who only calls us into thing that are hard; he delights to bless us, and often times calls us into things which fit us more perfectly than we could ever imagine. But he always calls us as a part of a bigger story than just us. The kingdom is always about what he's doing and not about how good we feel about ourselves or how comfortable we are. At the end of the day, it is not about me.

In the same way as Homer's Odysseus was tempted by the Sirens' call, so too, I am tempted by the promises of security, prestige, and money. But at the end of the day, I know that living just for myself is not what I was made for; there is something intrinsic in me that longs to be part of a bigger story, about something bigger than just me. And I have found that in following after Jesus, being about his Father, his Kingdom, and his economy, not my own. He is the only one capable of the restoration of all things, from the inside out; he is the only one who can call me into a place of change that really matters.

If he calls me back to the sciences, I will go. But to follow the Sirens, outside of the plan and call of God, is a shipwreck waiting to happen. And ultimately, the place he has called me, while not necessarily always comfortable or easy or luxurious, is the place in which I want to be. Being part of a bigger story is the only life worth having.

And this is where he has called me for now. :-)