IM::Porn

So I've never been a particularly large fan of instant messenger, gchat, tweeting (side note, who decided to call it "tweeting"? Really friends? Really?), yahoo chat, facebook poking etc. If you've ever talked to me online, you probably know this about me. Don't get me wrong, I love the convenience. But at the same time, I think there are some dangers inherent to depending on them too much. And yesterday, it dawned on me, some of those dangers, are actually remarkably similar to those of pornography. How's that for a tag line?

Oh you want me to explain... just what I was hoping for!

Side note, going to take a guess that my hit counter will jump about 100 fold because I used the word porn in the title. That's kind of sad.

Anyhow. Here're some of the dangers of online chat:

1. It can create a false sense of the other/self. Any time editing/airbrushing is allowed or possible, it creates something that's not entirely true. Those blemishes, imperfections, and inhibitions which we have in real-time, real-life, are way less present in online chats (and porn). The real thing has no backspace or edit button...
2. It can create a false sense of intimacy. Because inhibitions are lower (because you're not face-to-face and don't have to deal with the social awkwardness in the real), it's far easier to share deep personal things than it is when you're actually around another real person who will respond verbally, physically, emotionally/expressively, and sometimes inappropriately.
3. Because it's non-verbal, you get (to a certain degree) to determine what the other person is thinking or feeling (although emoticons help out a little bit). For example, person A and person B are chatting. Person A is sharing something deeply personal and troubling. Person B takes forever to respond, so person A assumes that they are weeping alongside them, praying for them, and scouring the Internet for words of comfort from some dead poet. Reality is, person B has just noticed that LOST has come on, and they've gotten so sucked into the plot that they have missed everything that person A has just said in the process of trying to figure out whether Juliet lives or dies. Person A is getting their emotional fix, person B is absent. You get to create the response and read the emotion into it.

So, that I don't sound entirely cynical, bitter, and hypocritical for ever signing onto any form of instant messenger, allow me to qualify my critiques, speaking exclusively about chat (no more parallelism). I do not think online communication/chat is inherently bad. I will probably be online again very soon. I think there are a lot of good things that can come from it, such as:

• staying in touch with a lot of folks that I wouldn't otherwise be able to (out of state-ers, out of country-ers, folks travelling on the international space station, etc.)
• a non-awkward way to get to know cool strangers better
  
• touching base quickly about something; as such, it's very convenient
• telling someone you care about them, instantaneously, while they're doing other things
  
• allowing real communication for folks or in areas where inhibitions are otherwise high

But, here's my point: Online communication should never be a substitute for the real. It can add to, build, and bless deep friendships, as an accessory to real, but it cannot sustain them. Real people are far more interesting that pixilated ones, because they actually have flaws. And the flaws and quirks are ultimately part of what makes that person real [we are not perfected yet]. So, no need to sign off, disconnect, unplug, etc (although it could be a good thing)... but do set good boundaries. Recognize the pitfalls and limitations. Use in a way that is healthy.

And bring it into the real. It's messier, but it's far more rewarding.

I'm done preaching now.